Indoctrinating My Daughters

This winter I’ve been so busy I’ve hardly had a minute to think about blogging.  I should have known better than to post pictures of my gorgeous children because it’s been a huge time eater replying to mommy friends who want to know if my children will marry their children.  These questions usually take me aback because I’m not Indian and I don’t believe in arranged marriages.  Sorry ladies, I just can’t make any promises.

I can, however, tell you what I have already begun teaching my daughters to look for in a husband.

First of all, I am partial to Mormon men.  There are many reasons for this, not least of which is that the chances of a Mormon husband becoming an alcoholic is only about 1%.  Furthermore, the likelihood that a Mormon man will shave and wear a suit at least once a week is at least 75%.  Razors and suits can add years to the life of any marriage.

The next thing I will teach my daughters to look for is an incompetent mother-in-law.  I can tell you firsthand that marrying the son of a perfect woman is not a smart move.  My mother-in-law still has the figure she had when she was a high school cheer leader. She also keeps a lovely home, cooks good food and is kind and gracious to all.  Now that is a bad formula for my marriage.  In other words, if I get in shape, that’s just normal, nothing special.  If I do my hair, I am not even a hero.  If I clean the bathroom, I don’t get a ribbon.  In fact, I don’t even get a thank you, not even when it’s the bathroom that I never use.

My daughters will do very well if they can find a man with a dysfunctional mother-in-law.  If they play their cards right they can be one of those stay-at-home moms who has convinced her husband that every day as a mother is akin to martyrdom.  Their husbands will hurry home from work to take over so that they can “regain their sanity” and blog about their day at the park.

Last but not least, I will teach my children to look for a man who is festive.  Celebrating holidays together is what makes a family.  My husband is fairly good in this area, but he has room for improvement too.  He celebrates Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and occasionally Halloween.  So far, though, I can’t get him to celebrate Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work Day.  I always feel so alone and invalidated on Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work-Day, so I’m hoping my daughters can find someone who won’t put them through that.

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