Talented Sleeper

Chief among my mothering skills is my talent for sleeping.  I learned this skill in college—the only part of my college education so far that has applied to my career as a mother.I was a devoted student back in college and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning studying and writing papers.  And I was a devoted roommate, up until even wee-er hours of the morning gossiping and giggling.  Needless to say, I was tired during the day, and as I didn’t live close to campus and I didn’t own a car, I couldn’t easily go home for naps. So I did what one must in such circumstances:  I developed a skill for sleeping wherever I might be.  I sometimes slept on the floor of busy hallways, slumped over my backpack as students crowded past me.  I slept in computer labs with my head next to my keyboard, in libraries over an open book, and in the sitting areas of women’s bathrooms where I was lulled to sleep by flushing toilets.  Once I slept four hours with my head resting on a table in a cafeteria. My roommates teased me.  They said my motto was “Stop, drop and sleep.”  Apparently they found my sleep habits undignified.  Or maybe they were just jealous.  If they weren’t jealous, they should have been. Fast forward a decade:  I’ve put my sleeping skills to good use and even developed them further.  After my first baby was born, I learned to wake up at the baby’s first sound no matter the hour of the night, go to the baby’s room, take the baby to the living room, feed her, transfer her back to the crib, transfer myself back to my bed and fall back to sleep instantly. After my second baby was born, I learned to nurse while sleeping.  From day one, she slept with me and nursed at will.  “How many times does she feed in the night?” the midwife asked at postpartum visits, to which my reply was, “How would I know?”   Now I have three children.  I am experienced and talented.  It’s late in the afternoon and my two-year-old’s whiney and unreasonable.  What does the experienced mother do?  Put the toddler in time-out?  Distract her by cuddling on the bed or reading a story?  No.  An experienced, talented, college-educated mother knows just what to do:  lie down on the couch and fall asleep.So that’s what I do.  I fall asleep while my toddler kicks and screams on the floor next to the couch.  After a period of unconsciousness, I find myself awake.  What’s going on, I wonder.  Why is it so quiet?  Then I look down and see my toddler snoring peacefully on the floor. “That’s right, Sweetie,” I say.  “Stop, drop and sleep.”

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0 Responses to Talented Sleeper

  1. Thanks for the link.I had no idea you were such an amazing writer.Thanks for the treat, I love it.Now I just need to find a fat little baby boy because I need to give him “kisses, Kisses”

  2. Natalie

    I think my new favorite past time is going to be reading your blog… I love it!

  3. Great to see you in print!Keep up the good work.Dad

  4. Peggy C

    I think this talent runs in the family.

  5. Thatcher

    Adaptive narcolepsy. I should write a case report.Nice blog keep it up!

  6. I am so happy you started this blog! Only two posts and I am already anxious to read more! You are hilarious and a great writer! Love ya cousin!

  7. I always hated it when the nurses at the pediatrician’s office would ask how often I was nursing my babies. Like you, I nursed in my sleep, not to mention on demand many many times during the day. They would not take, “I don’t know,” for an answer. Always I had to end up making something up!

  8. Too funny. I said that exact thing…how often does she nurse? How should I know? I just lay there with my boob out…it could be constantly all night for all I know. The nurse did not believe me. =)

  9. Shana E

    I am sure since you are a smart last child you will bundle all you write into a book.I love the piece about sleeping.. I always have had a wonderful sleep connection, which has made life bearable minus pills.Thanks for writing!! Love, Shana Ellis

  10. Joe

    I need you to come and teach Brindi that skill. Everytime I try your method I get a finger in the eye as she pries my eyelid back to make sure I am not falling asleep when I should be paying attention to her. Great post.

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