Keeping up with my man

Nine years ago my hubby and I donned funny flat hats and picked up our college diplomas.  We both had bachelor’s degrees, and we were equals.  It only lasted a year or so, though.  Pretty soon he was in graduate school, then an apprenticeship, and now it’s back to graduate school again.  I’m feeling so inferior that I watch over his shoulder while he changes a diaper to inform him that I could have completed the job with fewer wipes and saved our family $0.002.  I also brag about how great I am at cleaning house, but he one-ups me with comments such as, “I really like vacuuming, but I gave that up when we got married.”

I’ve been stewing and soul-searching and came to realize that while I don’t technically have any new diplomas, I deserve some new diplomas because motherhood has expanded my intellect in ways he hasn’t even considered.  I’m not talking diapering efficiency, and I’m not talking about namby-pamby things like love and patience.  I’m talking zoology.

You don’t believe me do you?  Well, here goes.  Do you know what a murder is?  Yeah, I knew you didn’t!  It’s a flock of crows.  Do you know what a smack is?  Yeah, I’m superior!  I’m talking smack!  It’s a herd of jellyfish!  Do you know what animal defies classification?  Duh, it’s a platypus!  What animal stands on its hands to scare away predators?  Take that!  It’s a skunk!  What animal sings songs that are heard miles away?  Blue whales, you dope!  What’s a baby horse called?  I bet you think it’s a colt, don’t you?  You fool, it’s a foal!

There you go, I’m a mother of four, a bachelor’s of arts, honorary PhD of zoology, and a wife to my intellectual equal.

4 Comments

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4 Responses to Keeping up with my man

  1. awesome, awesome, awesome. You also get an honorary degree in writing. Damn good writer.

  2. One of my friends’ husband vaccuums the whole every time they get into an argument. I would be arguing every chance I got!

  3. Dede

    Here is a couple more for you…. heck, we mothers must stick yogether! A flock of ravens is called an unkindness, Daddy ling leg spidees are actually quite venomous but they are not capable of biting through all the layers of human skin, lobsters mate for life. Love your writing, always makes me smile!

  4. Dede

    Stupid phone letters are too close together…oh well you get the gist.

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