Disclaimer: I am not a physician and am unqualified to dispense medical advice. Please consult with your doctor before trying out my methods. If I were a legislator I’d propose that government require warning labels on mattresses. “Certain uses of this product can lead to severe sleep deprivation, loss of libido and permanent disfigurement” it might say. Or perhaps we could put them on cribs: “The state of California has found that failure to employ ten full-time caregivers per newborn can result in unhygienic living conditions and emotional distress.”Of course, this warning is too late for many readers. If you are an expectant mother and are unable to secure nine full-time caregivers to help you, don’t give up hope. You will soon be experiencing unhygienic conditions, emotional distress, etc., but you can still avoid post-partum depression. Here is my simple solution: you must learn to prioritize. When you wake up in the morning, you might think your first goal should be to eat breakfast or take a shower. No. Think again. Your first goals every day must be to make your bed and do your make up. “Huh?” you are thinking. Trust me.“But I’ll probably need to nap when the baby goes down,” you say. And I say, please trust me. Make your bed and nap on top. Laundry, showers, dishes, grocery shopping—believe it or not, these things aren’t essential. It’s your bed and your face that need the attention. After you’ve given birth, once you are passed the feeling of relief and elation of having successfully expelled a baby, you will find yourself home from the hospital, feeling shocked and confused. This is when you need to remember my sage advice. Make it your mantra. Slog on through interruptions until your face is painted and your bed is beautified. If you are faithful to my counsel, not only will you avoid post-partum depression, you will also be rewarded when your friends come over to admire the infant. They will see your cherry lips and black eyelashes and exclaim with envy, “Oh, my gosh, you have lost all your pregnancy weight!” Then, of course, they will want to hold the baby. On the way to the bathroom to wash their hands they will walk right past Mt. Laundry without so much as a passing glance. They will come to your bedroom door, which you will have left slightly ajar, and they will pause to snoop. There they will see your bedspread smooth and straight, and your pillows fluffed. Now it’s their turn to be shocked and confused.